Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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