she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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