Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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