If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
