just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
