dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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