Don't make out with my wife yet
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
