My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize