Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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