I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
