i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
