so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
