I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
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