I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
being pregnant is like rehab
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
