I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
