My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS