$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards