he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
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im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
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I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.