it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
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There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
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I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.