Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
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It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
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You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude