my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize