Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
