My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
