I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
