If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
you never un-have a 4some
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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