Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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