i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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