Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
