there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
