this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
