all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
