she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
