Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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