I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize