I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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