mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
