Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
