I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize