Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
