the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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