just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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