Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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