hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
