and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
