things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
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If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
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We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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