I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
