I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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