my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
