she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
