Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
