It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
well you can't waste a boner
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
