So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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