NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
