He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize