tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
