I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize