there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
