do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My vagina just recognized that song.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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