D3 body, D1 cock
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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