btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
